Been feeling too much of everything at once, and then too little of everything else again at once. Kinda torn, about to be shattered into a minimum of thousand pieces. I was thinking the other day, just because I have the courage to ask, it doesn’t necessarily mean that that person would have the same courage to give. I am only occasionally bearable and memorable after all. It’s like pulling and pushing at the same time, you stop moving and that gives you time and the extra push to think it all over only to realize that while you may want to really be there and be that person and do those things, you really can’t because you just can’t bear it. You can’t bear the loss, it’s inevitable. So you start living with it. You gather your shit together and start living with it so that you don’t go completely insane even though you may have walked in that direction for quite a while now. That live and learn crap that people rave about is a scam. You live, suffer and ache; however, you never learn because when it happens again, you still live and suffer and ache just as much.