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I need to fix myself. I am broken, I am hurt, I am shattered, I am 1001 ways of wrong. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know where to go, I don’t know how to deal with everything without breaking others in the process. I ran out of things to do or say. I’m not enough for anything. I’m not enough for you, I’m not enough for me, I’m not enough for this family, I’m not enough for my own sake. Everyone needs an explanation from me. I take a single breath and I need to explain to everyone a thousand times, why I took that one breath a certain way. If I’m grieving, I have to explain to everyone why I’m grieving, why this long, why this way, why now, why not now.. I have to explain everything. If I’m sad, I have to explain to everyone why and how I’m sad, and immediately stop being sad as well because how dare I continue being sad. How dare I be sad to begin with. I should stop being sad, I should stop feeling the blues, I should stop feeling depressed because nobody has time for that. How dare I not want to talk to anyone? How dare I want to be alone? How dare I want to be isolated and left in the corner, unattended like an old forgotten crystal vase? I can’t fucking fathom the fact that I’m so broken that I’m losing people because of it. How do I fix this? How do I fix what I broke in others, when I can’t even fix what’s broken in me? ahh.. Just fucking throw me out with the trash.

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