I never entirely knew what it felt like to lose someone near and dear to your heart, until tonight. I never knew the power of my words when I’m pissed or angry or sad. I never knew how badly it hurt to lose someone before they even had a chance to become “someone”. I never knew how I could cause distance, separation, and loss of hope with and only with my words. I never knew how my heart could feel, when it lost someone truly worthy. It feels like that someone was torn out of me. It feels like somebody tore me into million pieces, and this someone has been taken apart from every single one of those pieces. It feels suffocating that I have no one to blame but me. It took days, sleepless nights and weeks and years of patience and calmness to build this grand someone of something. It took 11 minutes to tear it apart. 11 god damn minutes. If only you could know how bad I feel that I have lost my place in you. If only you could see how bloodshot my eyes are. If only you could give another chance to me to not fuck up this time.